Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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