i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
