I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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