So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
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