PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
