I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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