i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
