Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
