Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
