I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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