Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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