so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
