did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
