i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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