Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
me + whiskey = a bad person
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
