Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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