3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
