If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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