You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
