I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
