that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
