I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The air taste purple.
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