Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
