Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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