Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
People in love make me want to vomit
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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