...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My breasts were aching with rage.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
