I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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