last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
