My pussy is not your playground.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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