One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
