So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
