my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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