I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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