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I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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