Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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