It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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