Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize