You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
