I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
