Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
