distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
