More tranny stories later!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
