I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
