Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
