He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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