If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My life is pants optional.
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