Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
