I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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