Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i need some magic done to my vagina
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Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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