Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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