i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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