So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
