I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
