apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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