dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
being pregnant is like rehab
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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