reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
