Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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