I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
