I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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