the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
