no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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