it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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