Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize