A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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