He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
