if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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