How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
