did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't want my vagina anymore.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
