she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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