Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
