it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
