its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Farmville is her only friend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
